Brave

It's been said on a number of occasions, "you're so brave, Holly". It's to do with the transgender thing, I'm so brave that I came out as transgendered. I'm not, really, I'm not and I'm not saying that like I'm being modest or anything, I'm just not brave. To me, jumping on a grenade is brave. Doing something that causes you risk or injury or death for someone or someone's is brave. Bravery is self-sacrificial for others. I mean, I like to think that if a metaphorical grenade was laying in front of me I'd do the brave thing but who knows?. Until you're in that position who knows what you'd do.

What I do is self-ish (notice the dash there, it's important!). It's to do with me being me and me being happy with me. The price is high but there's a payoff so it's not brave.

It could be said it was a brave thing to do to face off around 10 fifteen year olds but when the police asked me what I wanted to happen as a result of the complaint I said "I want it to stop". And I do just want it to stop, I want my peaceful life back. I'm not looking to be the hero of the piece I'm just wanting to watch Top Gear.

So I'm sitting here shitting myself that there's going to be a reprisal. I'm vulnerable, they know where I live, they can figure out when I'm not here. They're clever enough to cover their faces. After a number of events that I just let go, finally I came to the conclusion that they weren't going to stop. So I decided on a course of escalation. Every move they make, I up the anti by one move. This is the action I've taken so far

1/ Bought a small security camera from amazon (£40). So now I've had to spend money.

2/ contacted the police for advice by email. Had a couple of visits. So now I've invested time.

3/. Rang the police on the local (non-emergency) line.

4/. Rang the police on the emergence line (twice now).

The next move is to contact the local council. I've been on my councils website and they have a form to do with hate crimes. It makes me feel a little better to know I have a plan. But as I said really, I just want it to stop.






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